I should be pregnant in Paris!

                                    

I am reading a book called "Bringing up Bebe," shortly into the second chapter, I realize I am pregnant in the wrong country.
Apparently people in Paris are, amongst other things; calm, enjoy nice meals with fine wine, and very much keep to themself. Dont get me wrong, I love to socialize when its planned, but for the most part, I consider myself a loner. I dont have that need to talk to friends and people or family on a daily basis and I very much enjoy being by myself. It does not come without great effort from me to keep in touch! Pregnancy in the US is just plain irritating. Everyone.. EVERYONE bugs you about being pregnant, asking questions that they really dont want the answer to..just looking for an in to throw knowledge, horror stories and ridiculous facts at you!
The occasional curiousity updates from friends and family are much appreciated and not bothersome, but its the strangers and mere acquantinces who bug the hell out of me.
I could totally see myself living in Paris and thriving. Especially during pregnancy. I am  a loner by nature..so CHECK. My passion in life really is food (although I hate to cook I love to eat and my ideal job would be a food critic) so CHECK on fine dining and wine! and double check on the calm outlook on life.

Yes, I have read every health warning out there about eating certain types of food and staying away from certain chemicals etc etc etc..it goes on and on and on. From the get go, I have been VERY laid back about it..and apparently so are the french! Raw oysters.. fine, if from a trusted source and in moderation. The problem..americans literally dont know what that word means. thats why alcohol is just a no no in america..stupid americans dont know that a glass of wine at dinner is fine.. A GLASS..which is 4oz and not 8! Heating up lunch meat? Nope, not going to do it. Stupid. French even eat unpasterized cheese! amazingly, their infants are almost 50% healthier than ours!!!
It just erks me to hear peoples repsonse when I say I am going to have sushi on the coast for dinner one night.. "it better be cooked" No, its fresh, I trust the source and a few pieces will not hurt me. I know this. Its not the sushi thats bad for you..which most of these idiots barking out orders dont know.. its the fact that if old or bad it has a higher risk of carrying certain bacteria that could potentially harm you. The chances are sooo slim and do not increase because your pregnant!!!! (side note: I do follow the rules regarding medicine because it is man made and full of chemicals to begin with.. in general I dont take medicine much anyway!)

Next, the weight gain. Fucking retarded Americans and their over consumption. Pregnancy is not a time to over indulge. You think skipping a 4 ounce glass of wine at dinner and trading it in for fast food 3 times a day followed by a dozen cookies and a slice of cheesecake really makes sense!? That over indulging in calories 3 times greater than what you and the baby need really outweigh the health risks of one glass of wine!? Really!? For me, pregnancy is about being smart and laid back about my choices. I have the occasional glass of red wine, eat a cheeseburger here and there, but I havent ventured far from my normal diet. I am not eating a cheeseburger as an excuse because I am pregnant.. I eat an occasional cheeseburger because thats what I always do! I DONT, however, wash the burger down with a large coke, fries and a chocolate shake. My point is dont eat a whole bunch of shit just because you are pregnant. Its totally ridiculous.  American doctors would recommend 25-35 pound weight gain for an average sized person..french doctors are more like 20-25 tops. period. Cut the shit, be smart, everything in moderation..GOOGLE the word!

My last point on why I should be growing this fetus in France is because they believe rather than over indulging in calories, we should be over indulging in pampering ourselves. I couldnt agree more! It helps a woman stay calm and feel beautiful. What could be a better way to bring a baby into the world!?

So, Zach I refuse to have anymore children unless we pack up and go to France. I am closed for business until you agree to my terms! I just know we would fit right in!