Hello, hormones. I missed you, welcome back! NOT! You are not welcome in body, hormones!!!!!
My second trimester was AWESOME! I firgured I had a few good weeks into my third trimester before any terrible third trimester side effects kicked in. I actually started to think this pregnancy stuff was easy...thank you for the false hope second trimester..you have proved to be nothing more than a big tease!!!!!
I feel crazy. Like I may make headlines for pulling a weapon and opening fire at an elementary school type crazy! I am mad as a hornet lately.. fat people, ugly people and people with bodily functions especially piss me off. I dog cuss every single person who crosses my path.. in my mind of course. "how are you?" they ask.."would be so much better if i never had to see your fat ugly fucking unproportional face again" is what I reply in my mind. Cleints come in to work sniffling from their stupid colds make me want to just up and quit. People who come in smacking on candy or gum or mints..I would like to cut their tongues out and start collecting them in a jar behind my desk. I then start to feel guilty for my sour and just mean outlook on people and run myself down cussing them out in my head and rolling my eyes behind their back that I then feel incerdibly sad!!!! Like hopelessly sad! My rage turns to just pathetic crocodile tears that are so pathetic and uncalled for..but oh so necessary at the same time!
I honestly feel like someone has come in and sucked all the happiness from me and is laughing hysterically while watching me suffer. I dont find it funny and I would like it to end. Shopping online used to be the cure to this in my first trimester..but now that doesnt even sound appealing. Its THAT bad.
And as for the human occupying my body..its really about that time you start looking into finding a new home because your about to be evicted! Between my rage and emotional break downs, theres YOU. You were sweet and small..until now. You are large and wiggly and your hiccups are driving me mad!!!!! My heart burn feels like I drank a gallon of gasoline and someone decided to throw a match down my throat and watch me wirthe in pain. I am nauseas again in the mornings and so fucking tired, but cannot sleep. I am up before the sun, before the roosters, before mcdonalds breakfast!!!!!
I would compare myself these days to a crack head.. up early as shit searching the house for my "fix" which may be a glass of water, a coke, the toilet, tums. I am fucking so itchy.. I get the creepy crawler sensation that, yes is normal for pregnant women...oh and crack heads! I have bags under my eyes that look like I have been in a bar fight.. this is ironic because I also feel like Ive got a massive hangover from a bar fight!
So if anyone is ever wondering what the third trimester of pregnancy really feels like...watch TLC's show addicted, find one featuring a crack head..and thats it in a nut shell. Emtionally unstable, physically beat down..bags under eyes, itchy, sleepless,at times euphoric, nervous, depressed, looking for a "fix", and a general feeling that the world is out to get you!!!!! So heres to you third trimester, you mother fucker!!!!!!
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