4 months

  Finley just turned 4 months old on Saturday May 11. I cannot believe he is 4 months old already!! He had his 4 month doctor appointment and we are so blessed that he is so healthy! He is growing like a weed, weighs 19 pounds and is 27 inches long! He is in the 95 percentile for both height and weight! The doctor laughed and asked what we were feeding that boy, but I swear its just regular ole enfamil! I quit breastfeeding at 3 1/2 months. I had some signs of PPD and needed to be on an antidepressant. The doctors say it is safe to take an antidepressant and breastfeed, but doing research, a small amount of the antidepressant does get into the breat milk and I was not comfortable with that. I dont think a baby has any business having drugs in their tiny system! I really should have started an antidepressant much earlier than I did, but I wanted to do what was best for Finleys developement, so I really pushed myself and kept breastfeeding. The last month was really hard on me. I cried a lot, felt tired and moody all the time, didnt feel like myself and felt very disconnected! It was a really hard time for me, the hormones were really tough on my mental state. I couldnt seem to get out of the rut I was in. Some days were fine and others were awful. I would feel so numb and disconnected. After having to miss a few days of work, Zach and I made the decision to quit breastfeeding all together. I did my best, but was really struggling and needed to be on some medicine to help. Its so crazy though because I felt SO GUILTY about quitting! I just felt that I should sacrifice my sanity for my baby so he gets the best possible nutrition! However, looking back, that was the hormones talking! Here I am two weeks later and feel better than I have in a LONG time! I am happy and feel healthy and normal again and I think that is just as important! A crazy momma isnt good for anyone!

Finley is doing wonderful! He is the best baby! He is always so calm and content and happy! He has been rolling over since he was a little younger than 3 months, but now its like his trick! We put him on his back and he puts those little legs up in the air and flips himself over! Its so cute! His new thing is blowing bubbles with his spit! Pretty gross, but he seems quite entertained by it! He babbles all the time and at night, he starts talking really loud!! It almost sounds like he is upset, but he is just talkin away! We just started cereal last week! He LOVES it! He is pretty good at being spoon fed! He opens that little mouth and takes the cereal down! The doctor is letting us start stage 1 baby food this week! Zach is playing in the Byron Nelson golf tournament this week, so when he gets home, Finley will get his first meal! I am so excited!!

Finley is still a great sleeper! Typically, he sleeps 7-8 hours. He goes down between 9-10 and usually wakes up around 4 am for a bottle, then he is right back to sleep! We have been putting him down to sleep in his crib since 3 months and so far so good! He is such a laid back baby, he adapts well to whatever we do! Once he wakes up for his bottle, we usually just let him stay in the bed with us! Selfish on my part because I just love having him right next to me!!

Kristen, Finleys nanny is working out great! Zach and I love her! I feel so spoiled! She cooks and cleans and just adores our Finley! It makes it really easy for me to be at work all day! I come home to a clean house, dinner cooked and a happy baby! I may never quit working!!!

All and all, life is wonderful! Zach and I have a wonderful relationship. He is doing great and has really shown how much he cares about his family! I wouldnt trade my life for anything in the whole world! It is my definition of perfect!

3 months old!

Where has the time gone!? Finley is 3 months old today! I just started back to work last Wednesday and it was sooo hard to leave him! Zach and I interviewed a lady named Amy to care for Finley while I went back to work. It was a rough week to say the least. Zach and I ended up hating her. She was weird and mousy and very immature. She got homesick and even brought a stuffed animal to the house... not for the baby, for HERSELF! She was creepy and we fired her the first week. Zachs mom was kind enough to take Finley this week while we interviewed more nannys. We found a girl named Kristin who we just adore! She will start with us on Tuesday and we really have a good feeling about her! Right now, Zach has Mondays off with Finley so we have full time care for him at home Tuesday through Friday. I am really looking forward to the day I can just stay home more with Finley and work maybe part time. Zach is looking at getting a big promotion in the next year, where he will be a field service representative. Financially, we could afford for me to stay home when he takes this job! Now, we wont be vacationing to the carribean every year, but we will have Finley taken care of the best way we know, which is by his parents and in his home! Day care is just not an option for us, we thought we would be fine sending him, but once he was born it all changed! I couldnt imagine bringing that sweet baby to a daycare where one lady has 4 other kids to watch. I just envisioned him crying and no one to get him because they were busy with another baby! So, we are paying about double what we would for a nanny as opposed to daycare, but to me, its worht it!

Now, onto our prize! Mr Finley! He is such a sweet baby! He is smiling ALL the time, but hasnt laughed yet! We know its coming soon though because he opens that mouth so wide and smiles, but nothing comes out! He really is such a happy baby! We have taken him to the condo twice now and even took him to North Carolina..by plane when he was 2 months old! He was perfect on the flight.. didnt make a peep! We had a blast in North Carolina, visiting Zachs family for the week and traveled to boone mountain for the day!

Finley weighs 16 pounds right now. He is a big, healthy boy! He hasnt been sick yet and I am just dreading the day he gets his first cold or a little virus! He is babbling all the time right now and loves when you mimic him, he will hold a conversation forever! He also loves looking at the tv, he is just mesmerized by it! He is such a strong little thing, too! He loves when we help him stand up and he loves laying on his belly and lifting that big ole head up! He has amazed us from day one, when he lifted that head in the hospital!

We are just in love with this baby boy and look forward to every single day with him!

Identity crisis

Don't get me wrong, I love everything about being a mom and adore my child more than I ever knew possible and I don't think you truly know what love is until you have a baby. I am not sure what's happened to me though! My life has changed so much so fast that its left me confused on who I am!!! I lived a shallow little life inside a bubble before Finley- I enjoyed nice things, nice dinners, having few responsibilities, socializing and traveling when we could! Now my days consist of feeding and changing a baby. I barely get breakfast or lunch most days and don't even realize it until its almost dinner! He comes first so naturally that I forget about myself. This is perfectly fine until its time to socialize. I get so excited to get out for a few hours, but find myself with little to talk about. I have nothing to say except stuff about the day time tv I watch and the cute noises and coos my baby makes! Unless my friends want to hear about feeding and changing diapers and looking at hundreds of pictures, I have nothing to talk about. I don't care about clothes,shopping,traveling...it's all about my tiny little baby right now. It's fine by me, but I am totally self conscious because I know no one but Zach really wants to hear it! It's easier talking to pregnant friends and definitely friends with babies, but single friends with no children are very hard to relate to right now. Their life is interesting to me, but I know the opposite isn't true so I just get awkward and don't want to talk at all!!!! My friends with kids assure me this will pass, but for now it's an identity crisis! The flood of hormones can't help the situation,but I find myself lately questioning who the hell I am, how a mom is supposed to behave and just when will I care about Chanel jewelry or a trip to the Bahamas again!? I am content but my old self would slap my new self in the face and make me drink until I couldn't talk! Oh we'll, I guess with time comes some balance but for now its just feeding, changing, watching and loving on the best thing that's ever happened to me!

Our birth story to two weeks with Finley!

Wow has our life changed! On Wednesday January 9th I had my weekly doctor appointment. Some tests showed that finless heart rate had dropped a bit which meant he was in some distress. My doctor suggested we induce Friday the 11th. While inducing was something I wanted to avoid, it seemed medically necessary so I agreed... And was really excited! Zach and I went to dinner that night and were so happy to know our baby would be here so soon! We both took off work Thursday to prepare all of our last minute things! I was full of emotion on Thursday... Excited, nervous and very anxious. Friday morning came super fast. I didn't sleep a wink Thursday night. We had to be at the hospital at 5 am and started induction around 6. Everything went so smooth. I was so worried about the pitocin because I had read some women don't tolerate it well. I was lucky, the pitocin didn't bother me at all. I started to feel the pitocin induced contractions about an hour into it and got some fentanyl to help with pain. Around 8 am my doctor came in an broke my water. It hurt a bit but was so quick that I didn't have time to even complain, but talk about gross,,, for hours it felt like I was peeing my pants!!! I soaked through like ten towels and ten pee pads... Who would have known there would be soooo much water!!! The rest of my day was uneventful. I got the epidural at 5 cm... I was barely in pain, but didn't want to wait until I was doubled over before I found relief. The epidural was nothing..just a small pinch. Although Zach says it looked awful!! My blood pressure plummeted shortly after the epidural and I felt pretty bad! I was so dizzy and sick. They gave me oxygen and had me lay on my left side. It took about 30 minutes and then I was getting better. Most of the day was pretty foggy, we had so many visitors and I was really moody,tired and hungry. Though I didn't complain much! My doctor came in around 6 and checked me. I was at 8 cm but he was still pretty high. By this point I hadn't eaten in 24 hours, had my blood pressure plummet, and had low iron. Tired was an understatement! My doctor and I decided to go ahead with a c section. I was prepped and taken back around 620. My entire body was numb and I was shaking from all the drugs and nerves! I remember Zach coming in and watching the procedure so intently but the faces he made had me even more nervous and I had to ask him to focus on me because making faces freaked me out! I was trying not to even think about what was going on!!!! No part of the surgery hurt. I felt a big tug and his head was out! He cried immediately and peed all over me! The doctor brought him over and he was screaming and big and pink and perfect! I was so overcome with emotion that I could hardly process my feelings. Zach was able to take him immediately and I had to be stitched up. About 30 minutes later I was reunited with my baby boy. We tried breast feeding and he was such a natural, he really did great! I stayed in the hospital for 3 nights and Finley did not leave my side! There was no way that baby was going to sleep in a nursery with strangers! He was a good sleeper from birth and I even fit in trouble because he slept for 6 hours! The aftermath of the c section was pretty awful for about 3 days. I was dine taking pain meds after a week and even started walking 2 weeks post surgery. I had lost 15 of the 23 pounds I gained before we even left the hospital!                         I am finishing this post 1 month post finleys birth and it has been the best month of our lives. He is the best baby. Zach and I kept waiting for things to get difficult and so far, we are still waiting! He eats and sleeps and rarely cries except to let us know he is hungry or gassy but if he's fed he's typically perfectly content! He loves the car and even took a 4 hour road trip to the beach... And slept the whole way! He typically sleeps in 3 to 4 hour spans at night and 2-3 during the day. He was breasted for the first 2 weeks exclusively and then I added pumped breast milk by bottle a few times a day at 2 weeks. At one month I started giving him a 2 oz bottle of infamil before bed and he sleeps like a rock! He is one month and becoming more alert everyday and we swear he gets cuter every day he wakes up! He is starting to smile more and very occasional babbles though its more of a grunt! I am laying in bed next to Zach on valentines day and we have him in bed right next o us where he has slept since he has come home! Our life has changed so much but I can't imagine it any other way. I am so thankful for thus beautiful baby and love every day with him. Some days are tough and I have cried once or twice but it is all worth it. I wouldn't trade this journey and our life for anything in the world!

week 39.. Last week... HOPEFULLY

Somehow, against all odds, my doctors prediction and my prediction.. I have made it to 39 weeks. I am not exactly ready to have him yet, but I am ready to not be pregnant. That probably makes no sense at all, but it does to me! I am not looking forward to the process of birthing him.. especially because he has made it to full term and god only knows how big he could potentially be. That head alone has been measuring far bigger than average the entire time.. so yay for me, my hips and my vagina! Things will never be the same!

I went to bed Friday night with contractions. They got intense for awhile and then fizzled out. The same thing happened both Saturday and Sunday. We tried walking, having sex, and even made Scallinis Eggplant Parmasean.. famous for sending women into labor within 48 hours. I was really feeling like things were getting started but have sort of fizzled out.

I am extra annoyed with everyone right now. Zach let his family know we may be heading in soon and while everyone means well, I feel so much pressure and added anxiety to know that we have so many people waiting around on us. We got bombarded with texts throughout the day asking the status and what was going on.. I couldnt help but feel defeated and annoyed with my body and lots of extra anxiety to make something happen. But, I do know that he will come when he is ready and just kind of want to be left alone until the time comes.

Now, here I sit at work Monday morning with the same questions over and over and I am ready to break down in tears in annoyance!!!! I dont know when hes coming, I dont know why he isnt here yet. I do know I feel like my body is preparing for labor with pre labor contractions, but we could still sit like this for another week! He isnt even due for another week. I know the next time we have a baby, I will tell everyone his due date is like 2 months later than what it really is. I cannot explain in words the anticipation and nerveousness you feel at 39 weeks pregnant knowing that literally any day or even minute you could be heading in to the hospital to have your baby. You feel all of this without the added pressure from outsiders and once they start with their questions and comments, it is very hard not to feel annoyed and so very frustrated. I am literally biting my tongue trying to force a half way decent reply when people start with their smart comments about why I am still pregnant. I want nothing more than to stomp my feet, scream at them really loud and then go hide under the covers in my bed with no connection to the outside world until its time to have my baby!!!!!!

Next is the nesting question- which is so unbelievably annoying to me right now!!!! Ill mention in general convo that I cleaned the house over the weekend and everyone has to comment "oh, your nesting.. must be coming soon ya know?" yeah, I do fucking know.. hes due in a week. I am pregnant and have been cleaning every weekend because what the fuck else am I going to do!?!? Yes, we go to dinner and movies, but really... I am not traveling, I am not going out, I barely see my friends.. so I clean.. not because I am building a fucking nest but because I have nothing else to do and actually.. I enjoy it..that and grocery shopping soothe me!  And as far as the nesting theory... fucking stupid. If my mother is coming to town on a weekend..I frantically clean my house for her arrival..so why the fuck wouldnt I clean my house for the arrival of my baby!? So what, I build a nest for my mother..thats what the theory basically says, right!? Wrong.. I clean because I am civilized and when you have company you should have a clean house. Maybe its last minute instinct for some women, but for me..I have been cleaning my entire pregnancy in preparation for our guest! So stop the bullshit about instinct and that frantically cleaning means your about to go into labor..if that were true, he would have been here at 7 weeks.

There is another side to this nesting though... everytime my contractions start, Zach starts frantically pacing the house and trying to help put it together incase we have to head to the hospital. He even pulled out the vacuum on Saturday!!! It was really sweet to see him so worked up and trying to do everything eh could to help me stay calm and relax! So yeah, Zach maybe gets the nesting bug when he gets nervous.. me? fuck that nest theory.

Lastly, symptoms. Ya know, its crazy because I feel pretty great. My heartburn has subsided the last few weeks (probably because I eat 20 tums a day), I have a good amount of energy and I just feel very calm and content...minus the pressure from EVERYONE else! Dont get me wrong, I am ready, but I am not freaking out praying for it to be over. I go to the doctor tomorrow and being that we are one week away from my due date, we will probably talk induction if he doesnt come on his own. My doctor really thinks I will go into labor on my own, but who knows! I love a schedule and a plan and I am ok with inducing if he doesnt show up a few days past his due date. I love 1/23/13 as a birthday and will push for that if I get an induction date!

I am very numb to how I feel about being a mom- when I am nervous or unsure about something I generally have no feelings towards it at all. I know that will change, but I am very late with emotions. I really cant tell how I feel until I am in the moment. I am excited and love him beyond belief already, but there is just so much I am unsure about! How will I handle caring for something so small and helpless? Will he like me? Will I like HIM!? Will we transition easy into parenthood? There is just so much you are unsure about when becoming a parent. I honestly try not to think about it and just plan to go with it... so heres to the next chapter of our life and just rolling with it!!

week 38.. still hanging in there!

Today marks 38 weeks. The last few weeks havent been so bad, but I guess with a possible 2 weeks left.. there is still time for the tears and feelings of being pregnant forever to come!
I really am still content with being pregnant. I am not terribly uncomfortable..maybe because I have only gained 20 pounds, which doesnt sound like too much being at the end of the pregnancy road, but it really does get heavy when the baby has dropped (which Finley has). It feels like a big brick stitting on your pelvic bone..lots of pressure and its the worst when you have to pee in the middle of the night..talk about a waddle!! and perhaps the worst about him being so low is that the inside of my legs kill so bad sometimes that I nearly fall to the ground..I have actually fallen to the ground in pain. I am not sure exactly what it is, but its the inner part of my leg where the inner thigh meets the pubic bone.. it feels like it is being ripped off!!!!! I certainly WILL NOT miss that!

Yesterday, we had our car seats re installed at the fire station. I am pretty obsessed with the Mxi Cosi line and zach and I each have one for the car.. his will transition from infant to a 70 pound toddler and mine is a great infant carrier. Its funny to be so excited about car seats, but I cant help it! Car seats are exciting!!

I didnt think I would ever be a woman who would miss a single thing about being pregnant, but last night..for the first time, I really held on tight to the feeling it gave me to have Zach roll over and put his hand on my stomach. I realized that it wont happen for much longer and it only happens for such a short period of your life that I really cherished that moment. You cant really put into words the feeling you get when you feel your baby moving and your husbands hand there as well. Its one of the best feelings in the world and my little family just feels so safe and sweet when we lay like that. I think that is the thing I will miss the most, having everyone right there on me so content and safe!

The other thing I will miss is how freaking nice people are to pregnant women! Its insane!!! I was never nice to a pregnant person.. I always kind of dodged them.. thought they were pretty gross if you ask me. So I was really caught off guard at the amount of people that are drawn to you and then want to be super nice as well! Its just mind boggling! I will miss all that special treatment! Even my crazy satanic boss cant resist being extra nice to me since I am pregnant. If it didnt suck so bad and result in a child, I may just stay pregnant forever. I sort of understand that bat shit crazy Duggard family now....

Now, Finelys arrival. Christmas didnt happen. Thats ok, didnt want it to. Tonight is New years eve and I am not feeling in a laboring mood. I dont feel like today is the day. I think he will be much closer to his due date, if not late! If he hits January 18 and I get a choice to induce...I REALLY want 1/23/12. I am super weird about numbers being in an order and I really like the way 1/23/12 looks! Its strange, but I am drawn to this date and kind of need it... So hold out Finley, I have a good feeling about the 23rd!

Week 37

The countdown is ON! We officially have 19 days left until Finleys due date!!! Its so crazy to think that we are SO close! We have been told that I probably wont make it until my due date, but the closer it gets, the more I think he may just come on time or be a little late! I am fine with being pregnant for 19 more days.. I honestly have a good bit of stuff left to do before I feel like everything is 100% in place!
I am not overwhelmed or anxious really (today). If the baby came, he has more than enough stuff to last him his entire first year, but the stuff just isnt ogranized! That will come! I am placing my last restoration hardware order today for organizational things.. bookshelf, hanging shelves, etc.. once that is all in I can finally organize!

I had my stiches removed last Wednesday and everything went great! we arrived at the hospital around 5 am and got settled in. The IV was once again, the worst part! Those stupid nurses literally stuck me 4 times before deciding to call an anesteseologist to come put it in!!! what  a nightmare! I was a little worried and nervous before surgery, but with the help of some fetanoyl I didnt care if they cut my legs off and glued them back on at that point!! I will be requesting fetanoyl on the hour, every hour until my sweet Finn arrives!! My stiches were out in literally 5 minutes and I stayed numb for a good 4-5 hours. Some pretty crazy stuff happened swelling wise that I wont even write down because its just too graphic!!! I was dilated to 1 cm and 50% effaced... My doctor and nurse figured I would go into labor in the next 2 weeks.. sometime in my 38th week, but really... who KNOWS!? Once again, no rush. I am not terribly uncomfortable and the symptoms that do suck, I have adapted! I have been losing what I think is my mucous plug the last few days. Its pretty gross, but also exciting that something is happening!!

We celebrated christmas for what feels like an entire week now! My mom and sister and aunt kitty and Uncle Mike came to town Saturday and we exchanged gifts and had a lovely sit down prime rib dinner.  My sister and husband went out and I went on to bed! 9 months pregnant isnt a great look for the bar! Zach hadnt been out in awhile and I swear it took him 2 full days to recover! I was happy that he really blew it out with all his friends before Finley arrives!
We did christmas eve at his grandmas house and exchanged gifts there as well and had pot roast! We spent the entire christmas day at Zachs parents house. It was relaxing and laid back...until 6 more relatives showed up with a dog and the place got a bit hectic! Hectic is not something you like at 9 months pregnant! But thats family and it was great to be around so many family members!! As far as gifts, zach and I racked up this year! we got so much money and presents for the baby! It was nice because Zach and I decided not to exchange gifts this year. There wasnt anything either of us wanted or needed and with the baby being sio close, we just didnt feel like messing with christmas this year!! We didnt even put out a single decoration! We know next year will be a big year for christmas gifts and decor so we let this one slide!!

I am looking forward to finishing out these last few days or weeks of pregnancy! I just cant believe that at the end of all of this, we get to bring home a baby! It just seems surreal. I am not really sure what exactly it all entails and what it will bring to our daily lives, but to say I am excited is an understatement. I love this little guy so very much and cant wait for all of us to get to know each other!

The home stretch!!!! 36 weeks!

Happy 1 year anniverseary from Perdido Key and our official last vacation before the nugget!

I was 36 weeks yesterday and am feeling every single bit of it. I weighed in at 155 yesterday, giving me an exact 20 pound weight gain so far. I know my 25 pound weight gain for the entire pregnancy is realistic now being that I only have about 3 weeks left... how much damage could we really do in 3 weeks, right!? Fingers crossed!!!
Zach and I went out of town this weekend- back to the condo in Perdido for one last vacation before I cant travel anymore! It was a great weekend just being away, but I started having a lot of back pain when I woke up Saturday and here it is Tuesday and its still lingering! It hurts to cough, sneeze, laugh, tie my shoes...the list just goes on. Back pain in the third trimestester is a fucking bitch!!!
I was in so much pain yesterday that I went in to see my doctor... I am 1 cm dilated and my cervix is at a 1.8. My stiches come out tomorrow morning. I am hoping I just go ahead and dilate and have this baby!! He is weighing in at 6 pounds 10 ounces... sounds plenty big to me! Surely he is cooked enough to come on out! We did my first cervical check yesterday- it wasnt bad, but I did cramp and contract throughout the night! It seemed to intensify my back and stomach pain. We timed contractions for about an hour and they were anywhere from 7-14 minutes apart, but never got stronger or consistent so I went on to sleep. I woke up still having random contractions- I am sure they are just the Braxton Hicks contractions, but they are becoming a bit uncomfortable!
Basically, I am done with being pregnant. I ve had it. I am feeling defeated lately and that seems to be an odd emotion because this isnt a race or a game.. I still need to be pregnant for a few more weeks, but everything just hurts and defeat is really the only word I can come up with to describe my feelings lately.
I guess I need to just chill out and relax because either way, we really dont have THAT much longer to wait.I go in for my cerclage removal tomorrow morning at 5 am and really anything can happen from there! My prediction is a christmas baby, a new years baby, or a baby that is 2 weeks past his due date!!! I am really hoping for my first two guesses!
Finley, baby, please please please dont linger past your due date, ok? Early would be great..on time would be ok, but late will just be unacceptable! I love you and am ready to play!


9 months..yep, bikini and all!



week 35



my big ole foot.. 34 w 3 days! weighing in at 5lbs 12 ounces


Week 35 was uneventful. I was tired from the long weekend that we had and really just did a lot of laying around all weekend! Friday night zach and I got a dozen doughnuts from Krispy Creme and laid on the couch watching movies! I literally slept until 12:30 on Saturday, which I havent done in months! Heartburn still sucks and I am getting tired again mid day. We had our doctor appointment on 12/5 and Finley is weighing in at 5 pounds 12 ounces! Healthy little thing! I am weighing in at 153 and just pounds away from hitting the 20 pound mark!!! BREATHE!
lately, I have found a new obsession that has helped pass my time and pregnancy blues... dressing Jose up in Finleys clothes and placing him in his crib and bassinet for photo sessions! It makes me so happy and I laugh so hard I typically pee my pants! Jose is so funny and really doesnt mind it at all! He even started to doze off in the bassinet! Hilarious! I promise to wash and clean everything before Finley arrives!!!!

hello from the womb! nice and cozy!

cutest thing ever!!!!!

week 34

baby shower! 35 weeks!

                                                          

Week 34 was so busy and kind of rough! I have been having a lot of sciatic nerve pain! Finley sits right on that nerve that causes my leg to get the sharp pains! On top of that, I have gotten my first case of swelling! I came home from work and after running around the house, my calves in both of my legs were so swollen and gross! They looked like elephant legs! After a hot bath, laying on my left side, and 2 huge glasses of water..the swelling went down! Heartburn is still worse than ever and I cannot wait until the days when I dont suffer from it anymore!!! I am still peeing on myself when I cough, laugh, sneeze and its actually gotten worse!!! Probably the worst thing so far was throwing up and peeing on myself at the same time. haha..oh well at least I was home!!!!
My appetite has really decreased this week..I get full so fast now! A few bites of something and I am DONE! So I am really focusing on eating healthy snacks every few hours to keep my blood sugar and energy levels up and make sure Finley is getting enough nutrients! I weighed 152.8 this morning. Less than a pound weight gain this week, but thats ok!
Zach and I had a wonderful weekend! We had a wedding in New Orleans on Saturday and stayed at the Ritz. I really overdid it walking around that day and by the time we got to the hotel my legs were swollen and sore! The wedding was a beautiful black tie event and although I was very pregnant, it felt really good to get out all dressed up and socialize.
We drove to Biloxi Sunday morning for our baby shower. We had a wonderful turn out and got so many wonderful gifts for Finley! I managed to squeeze my fat ass into a size 6 vera wang couture dress. My pregnancy is now complete and I give myself full permission to gain the rest of my baby weight! I got into the dress, though tight, got some pictures, but had to unzip it to open gifts!!!! Luckily everyone there understood my pain and gladly accomodated me!!

Our nursery is coming together really nicely! His crib, bedding, rug, dresser and rocking chair are in and set up. The walls and windows are still totally bare, but wont be for long and we have to order a bookshelf! I am just in love with all of his stuff and cannot wait to show him his little room! Its sweet and chic and totally peaceful! I am going to have one spoiled little man!

Work in progress!

Week 33

                                


Week 33 was pretty good! I got off of work a half day on Wednesday and was off the rest of the week for Thanksgiving..it was a nice break, but I started to get a little sad and stir crazy being in so much! Every year since Ive been like 15, thanksgiving break has been my favorite time to get out and see friends, catch up with people at the local bars (not at 15 more like 18 for bars), nurse my hangover, and then eat lots of food! I didnt realize how sad it would make me to not be able to get out and go to the bars this year!!! Its been a 10 year tradition that just didnt feel quite right missing this year ! Its not that I wanted to be out drinking, its the spirit of the holidays and seeing everyone out that I was really missing! Some people you see during the holidays that you dont see all year long! Needless to say, I was moping around feeling pretty sorry for myself! Zach was so sweet and only went out one night with his friends.. I was on the verge of tears when he left, but I knew I had to pull it together and let him enjoy the holiday bars even though I couldnt! I put up with one night of him going, but the mention of him going out a second night literally brought me to tears and he stayed in and watched Christmas Vacation with me-now thats a good husband!!

Thanksgiving itself was wonderful and thanks to phenegran I ate an entire plate of food and didnt feel bad at all!!!

My sister and her boyfriend came to town on Friday and we had a lazy, food filled weekend just hanging out and watching movies! It was perfect and just what I needed!

My heartburn is still awful and I keep reminding myself-just a few more weeks! Weeks sound like years though when you have an acid reflux attack in the middle of the night!

I was dreading weighing myself this week.. and proved to be for good reason... 152 pounds!!!! I gained a litle over 2  pounds last week!!!!! Its a good thing it was Thanksgiving so I kind of feel like I had an excuse!!! I have now gained a total of 17 pounds! I keep thinking that sounds like so much, but am forgetting that I am really nearing the end of my pregnancy! I have to keep in mind that a lot of third trimester weight is the baby growing so fast, too!

We have so much to look forward to in the next few weeks and I cant wait to start posting some pictures of little Finleys beautiful nursery! Its definitely going to be the nicest room in the house!!

8 Months and feeling it!

I am 8 months pregnant today! I feel so thankful to have made it this far given our little complications early on. Finley is doing great and was weighing in at 4 pounds 3 ounces at our doctor appointment on Thursday! He gained a full pound in two weeks! That seems to be about average for weight gain at this point and I have read that he will put on about a half a pound a week until delivery! We scheduled my cerclage removal for December 17.. meaning Finley could come anytime after that!! I think he will be born in December, but who knows! He may wait it out and not show up until late January!!! I would be ready to cut him out myself by then!

I have thought a lot about delivery. My first preference would be to let him come on his own and have a vaginal delivery. A highly medicated vaginal delivery.. I want as many drugs as my doctor can legally give me. I dont understand women who WANT to do it naturally. I have no doubt that my body could do it and I know God made us to give birth blah blah blah, but if I dont have to feel it then why would I want to!?!?!
Next, I REALLY dont want to be induced unless medically necessary. I think he will come when he is ready. I am willing to go one week past my due date..that would be  January 21..after that I know I will be threatening my doctors life if she doesnt induce me. And finally, a c section, I am totally not opposed, its just not my first option. I am hoping for option 1. My ideal situation would be that my stiches are removed and he comes naturally within 2 weeks. I get all doped up and deliver him vaginally and we go on our way in the next few days... oh and all the baby weight falls off during delivery!!! I can dream, right!?

All and all I am not nervous about delivery one bit- kind of excited! I had to have the spinal tap done for my cerclage and now I have nothing to fear so long as I get that magical shot during delivery. the shot itself didnt even hurt- which is what I was most concerned about to begin with. So bring on that long needle and numb all my pain!!!

The past week hasnt been so bad- I did go home from work with low blood sugar. I felt pretty bad on Thursday. I had gotten sick the last few nights in the middle of the night and I guess it finally took a toll on me! Rest, water, and a few high calorie meals had me feeling better by the next day. My heart burn has reached an all time level of awful. I didnt think it could get any worse, but oh it has! I wake up in the middle of the night so thirsty, but know I cant drink anything because of how bad the heartburn is! It kills! It has been whats made me sick the last few nights! I feel like I am puking fire. Gross, but true! I then have to sleep sitting straight up! Not ideal, but any position that helps the heartburn and lets me get a few hours of sleep is fine with me! I would probably try standing on my head if I heard that worked!!!

Lastly- cravings! I still havent had any strong cravings like I cant live without a certain food, but I have traded in my cereal dinners for a can of broccli and cheese soup with extra cheese! I eat this for dinner most nights now and even writing about it makes me want it! Its light on my stomach and warms me up with these cold nights! I weighed in at 149.4 this morning!!! dreading seeing 150, but its inevitible! Especially with thanksgiving this week!

I am so happy to be nearing the end of my pregnancy and cannot believe our sweet Finley will be here so soon! I am so excited and have so much to be thankful for! I also cannot wait to chow down on all of the yummy thanksgiving meals this week!!! Pregnancy heaven!!!!!

31 wk 5 days..4lbs 3 ounces

week 31

                                       

Kind of a boring week for pregnancy! I weighed in at 148 this morning. giving me about a 13 pound weight gain so far! Its going to be cutting it VERY close trying to stay at a 20 pound weight gain. I have 9 weeks left, so I can safely figure 9 more pounds...22 pound weight gain isnt so bad! I swear I am all belly right now though.. and although a 13 pound weight gain doesnt sound like very much, its getting really heavy! It hasnt been distributed evenly so I feel like a bird!!! Big stomach and tiny little legs still! I feel I may tip over in a few weeks!!!

Zach and I have been really enjoying and taking advantage of the quiet time in our house. He has been working extra hard to make sure I am happy and comfortable these last few weeks. He has been a huge help to me! Zach took me out for a date night Friday.. dinner and a movie..bonefish and Flight...excellent movie..not so excellent meal! My mom came to town Saturday to get the guest bed out of Finleys room so we can set up his crib!!! I am so excited to get his room done!

I havent had too many new pregnancy symptoms lately.. still heartburn and fatigue. The extreme sleepiness seems to come out of nowehere and I swear it is such an intense tired that it almost gives me anxiety like there is something wrong with me!! My vision gets blurry, I feel a little disoriented, but its nothing more than the sandman! and within minutes I am sound asleep!!

I had some intense stomach and back pains Friday after our movie..so bad that I thought we were going to end up in the ER that night. I decided to try a hot bath and a big glass of ice water first.. sure enough the pain subsided and I got some sleep and havent been bothered since!

Zach and I are really looking forward to the next few weeks.. Finleys room will be just about finished by Thanksgiving, the Thanksgiving holiday itself is just a week and a half away! and then Carley is getting married the weekend after in New Orleans- which will be a nice trip for Zach and I..followed by our coast baby shower the next day in Biloxi! We have lots to do and lots to be thankful for! We cant believe Finley will be joining us so soon!!! We are both so ready for his arrival!

Babymooning. Week 30!

I am feeling good and getting so anxious now that I have hit the 30 weeks!! Zach and I took a little baby moon down to his condo in Perdido.. alothough, we were hoping to go further..get on a plane and spend 4 or 5 nights somewhere.. I am out of vacation time due to my hospital stay and my doctor will not let me fly due to the pressure anyway! SO.. We are very fortunate to have the condo and we had a wonderful weekend!

We got to Perdido late Friday and sat in the hot tub for about an hour..the breeze was perfect. By then, it was 9:30 and this momma was sooo sleepy!!! I slept like a small baby..best sleep Ive had in a REALY long time.

I got up early and sat outside by the pool and read and had breakfast until Zach got up. We hit the beach around 11 and stayed until 1. The weather was amazing.. the high that day was 84 with not a single cloud in the sky! We had lunch at Florabama..which was surprisingly soo good..hamburgers, hot dogs and oysters! Although we could have went somewhere better, the MSU game was on there! Not much of a game, but a fun atmosphere! No one even looks at you strange for ordering a beer while having a noticeable baby bump!! (disclaimer..I took about 3 sips before Zach finished it!!)

We had an excellent dinner at the Fishermans corner that literally put me in a come!!! We got home around 8:30 and I was asleep 10 minutes later!!

Our little getaway was just what I needed and I am feeling so refreshed and ready to finish out these next 2 months! We are hoping to sneak one more trip in during December..before our party of 2 becomes a party of 3!

Finley is doing good and is sooo active! He is starting to kick right underneath my ribs! I find myself gasping for air sometimes because of his placement! I was a little worried on friday when I started to bleed just a little bit, but my doctor assured me everything is just fine and its quite normal to have some spotting around this time in pregnancy..especially after a sonogram that can irritate the cervix!

I am getting nervous about his arrival. Not labor or delivery, but just being in charge of a person...forever!!! I know we will be great with him, it just seems so final and set in stone!! I think the feelings are normal, but they often wake me up in a bit of a panic!

Perdido Key November 3, 12

Zach at the beach!

4d ultrasound 29 weeks 3 days

Finley is weighing in at 3 pounds 3 ounces and he was sooo sweet on the 4d ultrasound!
He had his nose pressed all in my belly the whole time and he slept the whole appointment, but he did cooperate and we were able to get some good shots!
He has pretty little lips and the ultasound tech said he already has little fine peach fuzz on his head.. my guess is blonde like his dads!
His profile shot looks more and more like Zach and I just love it!
The morning of his 4d ultrasound, I was snuggled up against Zachs back around 5 am and Zach started laughing..he could feel Finley kicking like crazy! He settled down and slept all through our appointment though!

Fuck you 3rd trimester...week 29

Hello, hormones. I missed you, welcome back! NOT! You are not welcome in body, hormones!!!!!
My second trimester was AWESOME! I firgured I had a few good weeks into my third trimester before any terrible third trimester side effects kicked in. I actually started to think this pregnancy stuff was easy...thank you for the false hope second trimester..you have proved to be nothing more than a big tease!!!!!
I feel crazy. Like I may make headlines for pulling a weapon and opening fire at an elementary school type crazy! I am mad as a hornet lately.. fat people, ugly people and people with bodily functions especially piss me off. I dog cuss every single person who crosses my path.. in my mind of course. "how are you?" they ask.."would be so much better if i never had to see your fat ugly fucking unproportional face again" is what I reply in my mind.  Cleints come in to work sniffling from their stupid colds make me want to just up and quit. People who come in smacking on candy or gum or mints..I would like to cut their tongues out and start collecting them in a jar behind my desk. I then start to feel guilty for my sour and just mean outlook on people and run myself down cussing them out in my head and rolling my eyes behind their back that I then feel incerdibly sad!!!! Like hopelessly sad! My rage turns to just pathetic crocodile tears that are so pathetic and uncalled for..but oh so necessary at the same time!
I honestly feel like someone has come in and sucked all the happiness from me and is laughing hysterically while watching me suffer. I dont find it funny and I would like it to end. Shopping online used to be the cure to this in my first trimester..but now that doesnt even sound appealing. Its THAT bad.

And as for the human occupying my body..its really about that time you start looking into finding a new home because your about to be evicted! Between my rage and emotional break downs, theres YOU. You were sweet and small..until now. You are large and wiggly and your hiccups are driving me mad!!!!! My heart burn feels like I drank a gallon of gasoline and someone decided to throw a match down my throat and watch me wirthe in pain. I am nauseas again in the mornings and so fucking tired, but cannot sleep. I am up before the sun, before the roosters, before mcdonalds breakfast!!!!!

I would compare myself these days to a crack head.. up early as shit searching the house for my "fix" which may be a glass of water, a coke, the toilet, tums. I am fucking so itchy.. I get the creepy crawler sensation that, yes is normal for pregnant women...oh and crack heads! I have bags under my eyes that look like I have been in a bar fight.. this is ironic because I also feel like Ive got a massive hangover from a bar fight!
So if anyone is ever wondering what the third trimester of pregnancy really feels like...watch TLC's show addicted, find one featuring a crack head..and thats it in a nut shell. Emtionally unstable, physically beat down..bags under eyes, itchy, sleepless,at times euphoric,  nervous, depressed, looking for a "fix", and a general feeling that the world is out to get you!!!!! So heres to you third trimester, you mother fucker!!!!!!

29 weeks of baby carrying



week 29..144.8

 Week 29 has been kind of rough so far.. up and downs..feeling emotional at odd times about odd things. I am typically not a very emotional person, but third trimester pregnancy has brought on some strange emotions. I know that nothing is wrong, but it hits me out of nowhere and I feel hopelessly sad about nothing!! Its crazy!
I wrote an entire rant last week in the midst of a full on emotional breakdown..after re reading it this morning, it frightened me. Hormones are crazyyy!!!!
I am weighing in at 144.8. I dont think I gained a full pound from last week, but any weight gain is still good. I have been nauseas lately and throwing up again, my appetite has ceased and I am actually having trouble finding foods that sound good to me!
I had a major craving for black olives this weekend..and sent zach out at 9 pm to pick up a can! First real bad craving in a long time! I am gload it was olives and not a banana split!!
We have our 4d ultrasound this week- Zach and I are sooo anxious to see our little buddy!

meow from  29 week Finley the fetus and I at our halloween outing at work! 10/26

3rd and Final Trimester!

28 weeks..144.4 pounds!

I am officially in my third trimester and feeling great! I am beginning to get tired mid afternoons again, but thats ok..not much longer!
I am so excited to be in my last trimester and feel like I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel! Pregnancy has had its ups and downs and a few scares, but all in all it really hasnt been too bad! I hear the third trimester can be tough, but with the holidays taking up the majority of my final trimester, I think it will fly by and be just fine!
I have to say I am REALLY looking forward to thanksgiving this year!! I cant stop thinking about my moms squash cesserole, stuffing, turkey and cranberry sauce!!! I will be helping myself to seconds and thirds this year and not feel the least bit guilty about it!
I gained 9 pounds in my first and second trimester and am starting off my third trimester at 144.4. I gained 1 pound from last week. I have read that most women gain about 11 pounds in their 3rd trimester.. that would put me at a 20 pound weight gain for the entire pregnancy and would make me very confident in getting back into pre baby shape in a few months!
Finley is doing great and kicking more throughout the night! I wake up around 2 or 3 and feel him moving all over the place! We are going to do a 4d ultrasound next wednesday morning and Zach and I are both so anxious to see him and see what he looks like!!!

Anyway, heres to my final trimester! Please go easy on me Finley! Just a few more months and you can bust out!

28 weeks pregnant going to eat Mexican food!

Last week of my 2nd trimester! 27 weeks!

143.4

                                                 


Goodbye second trimester! Its been fun! No, really though. The best part of pregnancy for me so far has been weeks 24 until now. Month 6 of pregnancy flew by and with very little side effects! The heart burn sucked at times and woke me up a few nights, but it wasnt all that bad. I have finally accepted the 5 am mornings and have grown to like them. I guess it was my bodys way of saying I didnt need all the extra sleep anymore! The only problem with 5 am mornings is boredom!! I have too much energy to sleep..its too dark to go walking..too cold to get out of bed..so I watch tv. and I am sick of the infomercials!!!! NO I DO NOT NEED A NINJA food processor!!!!

I weighed 143.4 this morning! the biggest weight gain I have had so far! a pound an a half from last week! I expected this to happen a few times, but dont get used to a pound an a half every week little Finn or your mama will be one fat bitchy lady! I am still under 10 pound weight gain for the first and second trimesters! I really want to reach an even 10 pound weight gain for the 2 and that gives me room for a good 10-15 pound weight gain in the third trimester! I refuse to put on a pound more than 25 pounds. So Finley, when we hit 25..if we hit 25..you better be ready to make your entrance because this mama wont be feeding you any longer!!! :)

I go to the doctor tomorrow for the glucose test..I have heard mixed opinions on it, but I dont expect it to be bad! I have a good attitude everytime I go because I get to see Finn on the ultrasound! My doctor still checks my cervix length about every 2.5 weeks so I get to see my little guy quite often! I am anxious to see how big he has gotten and what hes up to!
I have had more contractions and abdominal pains the last week so I really hope everything is still holding up and looking good! I would just die if I had to go back on bed rest!!! But we would do whatever needed to be done to ensure Finley has the safest arrival into this world!

Anyway, goodbye second trimester! You have been good to me, but I am so ready to tackle the last trimester!!!!

Wednesday Oct 17: Update from doctor apt
I had my Glucose test yesterday and PASSED!!! I honestly was surprised because I feel like I havent gotten much of a break during this pregnancy in the luck department!!
I saw baby Finley and he is so healthy and sweet! He is weighing in at 2 pounds and 10 ounces...ONLY a pound bigger than the average 27 week old fetus... he will be a chunk like his papa! He definitely had a growth spurt these last 3 weeks..putting on a full pound! Thats definitely where the pound and a half weigth gain came from this week! Slow down, baby..we have another full trimester to fatten you up!
So all is well with mama and baby and we cannot wait for your arrival Finny!!!!

I should be pregnant in Paris!

                                    

I am reading a book called "Bringing up Bebe," shortly into the second chapter, I realize I am pregnant in the wrong country.
Apparently people in Paris are, amongst other things; calm, enjoy nice meals with fine wine, and very much keep to themself. Dont get me wrong, I love to socialize when its planned, but for the most part, I consider myself a loner. I dont have that need to talk to friends and people or family on a daily basis and I very much enjoy being by myself. It does not come without great effort from me to keep in touch! Pregnancy in the US is just plain irritating. Everyone.. EVERYONE bugs you about being pregnant, asking questions that they really dont want the answer to..just looking for an in to throw knowledge, horror stories and ridiculous facts at you!
The occasional curiousity updates from friends and family are much appreciated and not bothersome, but its the strangers and mere acquantinces who bug the hell out of me.
I could totally see myself living in Paris and thriving. Especially during pregnancy. I am  a loner by nature..so CHECK. My passion in life really is food (although I hate to cook I love to eat and my ideal job would be a food critic) so CHECK on fine dining and wine! and double check on the calm outlook on life.

Yes, I have read every health warning out there about eating certain types of food and staying away from certain chemicals etc etc etc..it goes on and on and on. From the get go, I have been VERY laid back about it..and apparently so are the french! Raw oysters.. fine, if from a trusted source and in moderation. The problem..americans literally dont know what that word means. thats why alcohol is just a no no in america..stupid americans dont know that a glass of wine at dinner is fine.. A GLASS..which is 4oz and not 8! Heating up lunch meat? Nope, not going to do it. Stupid. French even eat unpasterized cheese! amazingly, their infants are almost 50% healthier than ours!!!
It just erks me to hear peoples repsonse when I say I am going to have sushi on the coast for dinner one night.. "it better be cooked" No, its fresh, I trust the source and a few pieces will not hurt me. I know this. Its not the sushi thats bad for you..which most of these idiots barking out orders dont know.. its the fact that if old or bad it has a higher risk of carrying certain bacteria that could potentially harm you. The chances are sooo slim and do not increase because your pregnant!!!! (side note: I do follow the rules regarding medicine because it is man made and full of chemicals to begin with.. in general I dont take medicine much anyway!)

Next, the weight gain. Fucking retarded Americans and their over consumption. Pregnancy is not a time to over indulge. You think skipping a 4 ounce glass of wine at dinner and trading it in for fast food 3 times a day followed by a dozen cookies and a slice of cheesecake really makes sense!? That over indulging in calories 3 times greater than what you and the baby need really outweigh the health risks of one glass of wine!? Really!? For me, pregnancy is about being smart and laid back about my choices. I have the occasional glass of red wine, eat a cheeseburger here and there, but I havent ventured far from my normal diet. I am not eating a cheeseburger as an excuse because I am pregnant.. I eat an occasional cheeseburger because thats what I always do! I DONT, however, wash the burger down with a large coke, fries and a chocolate shake. My point is dont eat a whole bunch of shit just because you are pregnant. Its totally ridiculous.  American doctors would recommend 25-35 pound weight gain for an average sized person..french doctors are more like 20-25 tops. period. Cut the shit, be smart, everything in moderation..GOOGLE the word!

My last point on why I should be growing this fetus in France is because they believe rather than over indulging in calories, we should be over indulging in pampering ourselves. I couldnt agree more! It helps a woman stay calm and feel beautiful. What could be a better way to bring a baby into the world!?

So, Zach I refuse to have anymore children unless we pack up and go to France. I am closed for business until you agree to my terms! I just know we would fit right in!